When Grown Men Cry
by IssyRomana97
Summary: "She wished none of this had ever happened. She would throw away her life, jump off the Empire State Building if it meant she wouldn't have to tell him. It would hurt less." Pepper makes a choice that will affect both herself and Tony forever. Tony/Pepper with an appearance from Steve Rogers.


_A fair warning – this story deals with a very sensitive issue. I'm only fourteen, and so I may be a bit naïve about the subject, but I hope it doesn't come off as ridiculous or OOC. Please, enjoy._

In just over ten years of working for Tony Stark, this was the first occasion Pepper could recall where she was off-schedule by her own fault. Sure, she had been off-schedule before, but only because Tony was late, or acting like a petulant child, or too busy flirting with the girl in the short dress from whichever magazine who wanted an "interview", and the other innumerable times in which they had been late with important meetings with clients because of Tony Stark and his ego.

But today, it was her fault. And surprisingly, not being on time to the last second, and not turning up was not the biggest thing plaguing Virginia Potts' mind.

Sometimes she had to remind herself that Tony was the man she had been building a relationship with for the past six months. Sometimes she found herself referring to him in such an unsightly manner, and then had to bang her head on the table to remind herself that she was technically dating the guy. And she felt so guilty for doing it sometimes, because she knew that he did love her, in the same way that she thinks she loves him, and he was trying his best to play nice.

She also felt kind of unfair by still saying that he flirted with every mildly attractive girl he set eyes upon. He hadn't done that for as many months as she could remember, and although she sometimes saw him straining his eyeballs from ogling at a pretty goer-by, Pepper appreciated the sentiment. It wasn't often that Tony Stark did something for other people, without expecting something in return.

Well, something in return was being offered here, if you understood what she meant by that. And it was the _return offering_ that had gotten her into this mess. Or rather, the choice that she had made because of it. And because of that choice, she was now late, and so was Tony, and that little detail made it feel like her whole world was just crumbling around her.

She wondered when the self-hatred would begin. From her online reading, and speaking with a few, let us call them "sufferers", Pepper knew that there would never be another moment that she truly loved herself. Of course, she had never _loved_ herself (well, in comparison to how much Tony loved himself), but she had always thought that she was pretty on some level, and was damn good at the job she did.

But look at her now, crouched beside a toilet seat in the biggest bathroom in the world – her hair a wild mess and her cheeks imprinted with mascara.

Pepper and Tony's relationship now, as opposed to when they were not "seeing one another", was pretty much exactly the same, but with kissing and pizza nights when she wasn't in a suit, and what her English relatives would refer to as "hanky-panky". Of course she hadn't actually told anyone yet – the press would have a field day if they ever found out. She could imagine the headlines now. And what if they found out what she had done now. It would be a catastrophe.

She gathered her legs and tucked them beneath her chin, wrapping her arms around them, trying to lock out the pain. They told her she would be in no pain, not anymore since the 1960's, but there was a great stabbing sensation in her side which was mainly psychological. That's what she had done. And it was beginning to rip her apart.

A slight smile graced her lips when she thought of some of the moments she had shared with Tony in the past couple of months. In such a short amount of time, there were just so many. If she thought of the good, maybe she could erase the bad. One particular memory struck her at a tangent – their first kind of "date", although they just called it dinner to avoid any kind of awkwardness.

To remove themselves from the public eye, Tony suited up and, again being flown around in his arms which was rather a disconcerting feeling, they travelled to a small restaurant in the suburbs of Valencia and ate by candlelight. Every girl she had encountered would go dizzy, but Pepper kept her head and still had the audacity and sense to tease Tony, and continue the banter they had subconsciously kept going as a means of communication. It had been a wonderful night. And he kissed her as well. She didn't let it go any further – it had been ten years, and she damn her if she was going to be courted.

Memories of lunch in foreign countries, pizza in the mansion, tender moments in his bedroom, and the joy when they both forgot about work-Tony and work-Pepper and allowed themselves to be human, to _want_ one another.

Nearly every moment of these past six months could bring a smile to her lips, but there had been moments when she had doubted herself. But then she just repeated the age-old saying of "It is better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all". When she was younger, she used to say love was for idiots, and it was more of a weakness. Even at fifteen, she had been business minded. But after ten years, she had allowed herself to fall in love. And now she would have to let all of that go.

He would never want to see her again. She would have to move out of the mansion, get herself a new job, and face all the rumours swarming the media about her. She could never show her face in public again. And all because of a decision that thousands of women made per year; looking at it now, it had been a mistake because her job was gone anyway. In no way could she have won. She needed her work; she was bloody _good_ at it.

Pulling herself to her feet, trembling slightly, Pepper stumbled towards the sink, which in any reasonable bathroom would have been quite close, but no, because Tony had billions to spend, it was about twenty metres away. Halfway there, Pepper nearly collapsed out of she did not know what, and fell to her knees, shivering madly. She felt weak and ill, and she needed someone to help her. Eventually, she crawled to her feet and reached the sink, clutching onto it in desperation.

This decision had cost her the sanity she had once possessed; she needed _help_.

As if he had heard her innermost thoughts, Tony's most wonderful creation kicked in.

'Excuse me Miss Potts, may I be of any assistance?' JARVIS' dulcet but encouraging tones asked, soothing her shivering form for if but a moment. She dipped her head to looking into the sink, refusing to look at her pale face. She looked a mess, she knew, and she couldn't bear to look at herself anymore.

'Thanks for the concern JARVIS, but can you just let me know when Tony gets home?' Pepper requested weakly, surprised at how futile her voice sounded. She didn't want to be weak, but her own body and her mentality were betraying her.

'Certainly Miss Potts,' JARVIS confirmed, and hesitated for a moment before continuing. He didn't know if this was what Miss Potts needed right now. 'Would you like me to inform Mr Stark of your cancellation of the meeting?'

'Yeah,' Pepper sniffed, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her cardigan she had donned today. She brushed all of her hair back from her face and looked directly in the mirror. 'Yeah, tell him I can't make it.'

'Certainly Miss Potts,' the robotic voice repeated, and the conversation halted. Pepper appreciated how lovely JARVIS was to her – he always had been kind, if that was how it could be put. He was a machine after all. He knew about what had happened as well, without her knowing. When Pepper had collapsed through the door, he had scanned her for medical implications and had discovered what she had done. He didn't judge her though. That was good.

Pepper wiped at her damp eyes, ignoring the mascara stains plastered on her lifeless cheeks. _Lifeless_ – she had already started punishing herself. She found her common sense ebbing away with every breath she took.

'Have you ever been in love JARVIS?' she asked, desperately searching for some source of comfort. Pulling an elastic band from around her wrist, Pepper loosely tied her ginger tresses up in a loose ponytail, waiting expectantly for an answer.

'I have never been programmed to have specific romantic interest in one person,' JARVIS spoke reasonably, and Pepper felt a little embarrassed at her question. JARVIS was clever though – a supercomputer needed to be – and after his shocking evaluation of Miss Potts, he realized she needed some "moral support". 'I have never been in love Miss Potts, but I would not be averse to spending a greater allowance of my time in your company.'

Pepper smiled into the sink, and the death grip she had on the ceramic sink alleviated slightly. 'Thanks JARVIS.'

'It is of no trouble to me Miss Potts.' Again, there was a hesitation, but this time it seemed to be more nervous and more troubled. 'Miss Potts, it is my duty to announce that…'

But JARVIS was not given the time to finish before Pepper heard the front door slam shut and Tony yelled, 'Pepper, are you alright? JARVIS rang me to tell me you weren't feeling great!'

Pepper looked in fear at the door of the bathroom, and her stomach sank to the floor. She would have to tell him. Of course, she could just forget the whole thing, and he would never have to know. But then her guilt would become physical and she would waste away in his care, and he would never be able to understand her. And she couldn't stand the fact that she wouldn't be able to talk to him properly ever again. It was better to maybe hurt him now, so he could understand later.

JARVIS spoke quietly, as if he were whispering, 'Miss Potts, if it is what you require, would you like me to inform Mr Stark of your term…'

'No!' Pepper cried, startled out of her mind, jumping further across the room than when Tony had burst through the front door. 'No. That's my job,' Pepper said calmly, taking in a deep breath and pulling the bathroom door open. She could swear she heard the robotic voice whisper a cautious _Good Luck_ before she closed the door, and was greeted by the sight of Tony Stark in a dishevelled business suit and a huge bunch of carnations. He looked distinctly distressed, and upon sight of Pepper looking as…deranged as she did, his expression expelled anxiety. He chucked the flowers onto the sofa and moved forward and clutched at her arms, guiding her over to the white leather couch by the window.

'Pepper, what's wrong? Are you sick?' he asked concernedly, brushing his hand gently against the mascara stains on her cheeks, and Pepper could feel herself welling up uncontrollably at his concern. This was so much more difficult than she anticipated.

'I-I-I…' she stuttered, unable to speak. She bowed her head, 'I'm sorry I missed the meeting.'

Tony chuckled, and brushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. 'Peps, how many meetings have I missed over the years? Eh?'

'About one hundred and twenty,' Pepper said reasonably, laughing quietly. Tony placed both of his hands on top of Pepper's and squeezed them gently, bringing back her expression of worry. She had to tell him. She _had_ to tell him.

'Tony, I need to tell you something,' Pepper stated, and Tony nodded as if that were pretty obvious. 'Yeah, I think you better had,' he murmured in her ear, clutching onto her trembling hands.

There was a contaminated silence for the next however many minutes. All of the ways of beginning her revelation seemed worthless and wrong, and she couldn't begin to say anything. Tony just looked confused, and so innocent (even though he was anything but), and so incredibly naïve. She wished she could just freeze this moment forever, a moment when he comforted her so subconsciously, and was so ignorant of what his assistant had done to their relationship. She wished none of this had ever happened. She would throw away her life, jump off the Empire State Building if it meant she wouldn't have to tell him. It would hurt less.

'Tony, I was pregnant,' Pepper blurted, unsure of what she was saying. It felt like she was having a complete out-of-body experience.

Tony's grip tightened for a fraction of a second, and his blood ran cold, his brilliantly functioning brain stopping immediately. But there was confusion as well. The past tense confused him. 'You were? Well, when I gave you the job, I told you that you didn't have to tell me about your family Pep. If it's the anniversary of a…death, or something, then you don't have to tell me…if you don't want to.'

Pepper closed her eyes, allowing tears to slip from underneath her eyelids, some of them catching on her ginger eyelashes before rolling down her cheeks. He didn't realize that he was making this so difficult for her. His ignorance was killing her.

'No Tony, I was never pregnant before I met you,' Pepper stated clearly, her breathing intensifying to the point where she thought she was going to start hyperventilating.

'What?' a boyish grin crossed Tony's face and his lips curled into a huge grin, 'You're pregnant?'

Pepper couldn't even allow herself to speak for a moment. She eventually burst into tears and she leant her head in the crook of Tony's neck, and he wrapped both arms around her and soothed and shushed her as she sobbed. 'Come on Peps,' he whispered softly, 'Isn't this a good thing?'

'That's the point Tony,' Pepper replied tearfully, talking into his chest, where the arc reactor plate was lighting up her face, 'I said I _was_ pregnant. I-I-I…I had an abortion.'

She felt Tony's body go completely rigid, and when she looked up at his arms, they were covered in goose bumps. His hairs were standing on end. He almost recoiled from her, removing his arms from around her shoulders, and he stood up without looking at her, strode across the living room and walked out of the front door without looking back. It took her at least ten minutes to process what had just happened. And when she did, Pepper laid down and sprawled across the sofa and cried, all the while thinking _What the hell have I done?_

**-IronMan-**

Steve Rogers was finding it more than a little difficult to adjust to 21st century life, especially the concept of mobile phones. Director Fury had issued him one, a BlueBerry model; it was the most perplexing piece of machinery he had ever attempted. Fury had given him a manual on how to use it, but Steve had struggled and had resigned to just carrying it around to look like he was operating on it.

Another thing he constantly missed in this era was Peggy. He missed her laugh, her British humour, her confidence even as a woman in the Army. Being Captain America brought a great sense of pride to him, and the fact he was protecting his country made it even better. But now there was no other reason to do it apart from saving America. He had no one to go home to, no one who would cleanse his battle scars.

In the underground room where he liked to vent out his anger, Steve twisted his body around and then smacked the punch bag with a powerful hook which almost made it fly off the chains. Normally, it would have done so, but today he was less concentrated. He wasn't particularly distracted, but he just wasn't so angry today. Suddenly, the phone which he was dropped onto the bench when he walked in an hour ago began ringing shrilly, and Steve hastened to hold it to his ear and say hello.

'Good evening, Steve Rogers speaking. May I ask who is calling?' Steve asked fluidly, sending his rehearsed greeting down the line. On the other end of the phone, he could hear someone pacing angrily.

'You alright Captain? Where are you?' Tony asked glumly, his words dulled by the sound of his angry movements. Steve wasn't completely concerned – many times Tony had rung him in the middle of the night, requesting they go out for a beer. But tonight he sounded more subdued, like someone had tried to drain the life out of him.

'I'm in my gym. You alright Stark?' It wasn't that Steve and Tony were really close, but he was the only one in the team who would consider standing up to the billionaire, even though when he did, Steve ended up being ridiculed. He liked to think he was a good mate, and that Stark at least trusted him.

'I'll be there in ten,' Tony replied dully and hanged up the phone. Steve pulled the device away from his ear in surprise and then set it down on the bench. He relieved his hands of the gloves and placed them carefully into his rucksack. He had never heard Tony sound so glum. Normally he was the most energetic and, well, _irritating_ person in the whole Avengers team, but today he seemed to be a little on the gloomy side. Steve waited patiently for his arrival, but was shocked when ten minutes later, Tony almost threw the door off his hinges when he stormed into the gym.

Without evening looking at Steve, he walked straight up to the punch bag, yanked his business blazer and tie off, undid his top button and smacked the punch bag with the all the force he could manage. Steve liked to think he had loosened it a little prematurely, but the bag went flying across the room and spilt its sand all over the floor. Clenching his fists, Tony walked over to Steve with his eyes raging with fury, and slumped down onto the bench next to him.

'Stark, what's going on?' Steve asked, fearing slightly for his personal safety.

Tony looked up at him, and Steve noticed for the first time that his eyes were puffy and red, and were completely bloodshot. He had been crying. _Crying_. Steve was suddenly caught in the awkward limbo where he didn't know if he should ignore what he had seen or if he should mention it, because Tony then hid his face behind his hands and just breathed. Steve instead just clapped a hand on his shoulder and they sat in silence until Tony took a deep breath in and began to speak.

'Pepper was…pregnant. And she had an abortion,' he began shakily, and Steve realized why his – could he call him friend? – friend was so upset, 'She didn't even tell me. She just did it, and then expected me to understand.'

Steve could see Tony clenching onto the fabric of his trouser knee and he was shaking almost uncontrollably. 'And I don't know what to do,' he admitted, his voice quivering and Steve saw several tears dripping down Tony's cheeks. He squeezed his shoulder tightly, and sat with him whilst he broke down completely, to the point where he almost started tearing his hair out, pulling at it in a way or unleashing his emotion. It kind of broke Steve's heart to see the legendary Tony Stark crying over something like this. He admitted it was a bad thing to do without telling someone, but he knew Virginia Potts and she was a sensible woman, and she probably had a good reason for her decision.

Steve decided to adopt an 'Agony Aunt' kind-of stance. He felt horrific for Tony, and if he was in his shoes, he would understand his anger and trauma, but he wasn't, and so he had to help Tony through it. Because he wouldn't allow Iron Man to abandon the love of his life, not after Captain America lost his. Two heartbroken superheroes wouldn't do anyone any good.

Addressing Tony's concern of being clueless, Steve pulled away Tony's hands from his face and forced him to look at him. Steve breathed out, and then spoke. 'Well, what is it that you can do?' Tony looked at him in bewilderment, and raised an eyebrow quizzically, trying to speak, but Steve shut him up by talking over him.

'You can dress up in that big suit of armour and try and push her away, but it'll never work,' Steve told him in an off-hand manner, and it pained him to see the glimmer of hope in Tony's eyes die, 'I see the way you look at her. You love her. And now you have to be there for her, because she's probably hurting.'

Tony flashbacked to the moment when Pepper told him of her terminated pregnancy. Before she said it, she had been crying uncontrollably for however long it had been. Yes, Pepper Potts was hurting. And he had walked out on her. But he was still unsure; he was still struggling with why she had done it.

'But I don't know how to do it. I can't understand it,' Tony admitted, wringing his hands in desperate worry. It wasn't that he hated Pepper or anything, but the entire situation was mind-boggling. It was just a lot to process, and the fact remained that she hadn't told him. That just destroyed their system of trust.

But she needed him now.

Memories of Peggy were flashing across Steve's mind, her beautiful face, her porcelain skin, and he drew on previous experience. Tony still had a chance. And he was going to take it. 'Yes you do. Or rather, your heart does anyway. When it comes to it, you'll know what to do' Steve said wisely. He saw Tony absorbing the information, but then he saw the tiny smile on his lips, and could sense a jibe coming.

'Way to kill the moment captain cheesecake – "your heart has all the answers!"' Tony joked, but he really did appreciate the advice, knowing he would not have gotten it from any other person. He may tease the Captain at all possible times, but he did like him. He was a good friend, and was always there when Tony needed to complain.

Steve grinned, 'Shut it iron tart. Now go on.' He pulled Tony up and pushed him towards the door of the gym. Tony winked at him, picked up his blazer and tie and began striding confidently towards the door. However, just before he exited the room, he paused by the doorway and turned back towards Steve, who was putting on his boxing gloves again, and was eyeing the bag Tony had split open earlier.

'Please don't tell the others,' Tony begged. Steve had never heard Tony say something which sounded so…childish, but it was a good call.

'I won't, I promise,' Steve said, and for some reason, Tony trusted him immediately. He was from the 1940's anyway, he kept promises.

'Thanks Captain.'

**-IronMan-**

It must have been past midnight by the time Tony got back to the mansion. He had dawdled on the motorway for a while, even stopping to help an elderly woman with a flat tyre. Even after Steve's, quite frankly, brilliant advice, Tony was still struggling. What he really needed to know before he could even begin returning to normality was _why_ she had done it. They had never talked about having a family before, but he always kind of assumed that one day they would get married, and they would have kids and a family.

But then again, assumptions can be very dangerous things.

He realized that he loved Pepper almost seven years ago. She had always been the most beautiful woman he knew – he loved her slightly ginger hair, her green eyes like mysterious jades, and her skin just radiant. He loved her. And so he slept with every woman available to get rid of his feelings. Because he was Tony Stark, he was volatile, self-obsessed and he didn't play well with others. He couldn't be in love. And she most certainly didn't love him. So what was the point?

But when he found out that she did actually…like him back, he was like an ecstatic two year old. Bear in mind he had just saved her life, so that probably helped, but when they had kissed on top of that skyscraper – well, he had never felt that kind of adrenaline before, and he guessed nothing would ever top it. And he knew from that moment on that he would never leave her. He never could. She was the most beautiful creature in the world.

He gently pushed the front door open, and then hanged up his blazer on one of the pegs by the entrance, stringing his tie alongside it. He tugged at his collar, even though his top button was open, because he felt like his throat was constricting and closing up. Upon walking into his living room, Tony was unsurprised to see Pepper sprawled across the couch, completely out of it, the strand of hair he had tucked behind her ear floating into the air with every breath that she expelled. He couldn't help but hate himself for leaving her.

He slowly treaded towards her, not wishing to wake her, and he softly sat down on the seat next to her. He could see dried tears imprinted on her skin, and a fresh wave of guilt passed over him. Yeah, she should have talked to him about her pregnancy beforehand, but he shouldn't have left her when she was in such a fragile state. They had both made mistakes, they had both hurt one another, and now they could heal together.

God he sounded cheesy.

Tony gently pulled the elastic band out of Pepper's hair, but she murmured in her sleep and turned over, another tear streaking down her cheek. Panicking slightly, but realizing she was still asleep, Tony brushed his fingers through her hair, trying to comfort himself. He leant down and kissed her on the forehead, and whispered, 'Night Miss Potts,' before walking towards his bedroom. Just as he reached the edge of the room, a voice called out to him, and what she said made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

'I never wanted a family. I never even wanted this. I always planned on being alone, and I couldn't cope with a…child.'

The reason he was searching for. And it was completely different from what he had expected. He had thought it would be something like _I thought you wouldn't support me_ or _I'm too busy with my job_. And then he realized what Steve had meant by his heart telling him what to do. Tony ran the thirty metres to Pepper and, pulling her to her feet, embraced her passionately, holding her close to him and allowing tears to build up in his eyes.

'I'm so sorry Pepper. I didn't mean to leave you, I was just…it was a surprise and a er…shock,' Tony stuttered out, and he squeezed her tightly against him as she cried quietly into his shoulder. She wrapped one of her hands around the back of his neck and let her chin rest on his shoulder. 'I love you Tony, I'm so sorry,' she cried out, 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you.' She pulled away from him and wiped at her eyes.

'I'm sorry that I broke our trust and that i…I didn't think we would ever have a family. And I didn't tell you because…I was scared that you wo-'

'You don't need to explain yourself to me. I've made plenty of mistakes in my time and you've always forgiven me,' Tony said with a small smile, cupping her cheek with his hand, and brushing tears away from her eyes. But Pepper shook her head and whispered back, 'No, I have to finish.' She curled into his touch on her cheek, 'I was scared that you would reject me and the…child. But it's not your fault – even when I was a kid, I never even wanted a relationship. I just wanted to work. And it's all so much to deal with.' Her voice cracked on the last word and Tony gently pressed his lips against her forehead.

'I think I left because I didn't understand why,' Tony replied sadly, maintaining their intimacy and holding her close to him. 'But I get it. Just, can you tell me next time?' he asked sadly, thinking about what they might have lost tonight. He couldn't imagine what a child with his and Pepper's genes would be like. They would probably be beautiful, inheriting that from her, and hopefully, quite brainy from his point of view. But in later years, he would realize that neither of them were ready at that point in their lives. In later years Tony Stark and Pepper Potts would both know that whilst it hurt them way back when, the decision she made was completely right for them.

Tony and Pepper, still entwined together sat down on the sofa, and she rested her head on his shoulder, and wrapped both arms around his body, pulling her legs onto the sofa. In turn, Tony kissed her on the temple, and entwined his arm with her body, and as they both dozed, he whispered over and over again the words _I love you_, _I love you_, _I love you_.


End file.
